Are you dating and beginning to discern whether your significant other is holy matrimony material (especially since they invariably have different experiences/worldviews as you)?  Are you engaged and beginning to wonder if there is more than the extreme ends of the pre-marital counseling spectrum (i.e., the surface-level multiple-choice questions typically found in canned assessments like PREPARE/ENRICH or the theologically-deep mini-sermons that your pastor has been diligently teaching as if you were a seminary student)?  Are you newly married and beginning to question if “happily ever after” was just a childhood fairy tale that over-simplifies/belies the truth of daily life with your imperfect spouse?

It’s hard enough going through life in a fallen world on our own, but when we find ourselves in relationships (as a broken person with another broken person), things get harder—not easier.  Human tendency is to “compromise” when things get too contentious, but that is often just kicking the can down the road.  This can be even more dangerous for couples who are dating because that can often lead to delayed problems that will be glossed over during engagement (if they ever get there), and then resurface in marriage (if they ever get there).

This has been the “couples” experience that many of us go through, and yet, the mainstream media has lulled us into a false sense of complacency.  Even for those who do not have an obvious trauma childhood from their families-of-origin, baggage from previous relationships, or individual issues from life in general, one can be oblivious to his/her own sinful nature as a single person.  These become painfully exposed through the increasing scrutiny that God provides through dating, engagement, and marriage (seeing one another weekly to 24×7).

God knows the difficulties we may face in all relationships, but especially in marriage, the closest relationship that resembles Christ and the church.  It’s an oversimplification to simply say that God wants us to love one another, respect one another, and even to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The ideas of being patient, kind, and truthful get deeper.  The cautions against going too far in wanting what others have, or bragging about the things that we have that others don’t have, is practical.  The warnings against being arrogrant or rude, and easily annoyed or resentful, puts more detail to what God wants us to keep in mind.

God’s commands resonate the most when heard in the context of our real-life, day-to-day opportunities.  We give love to our loved ones by having faith that God is in control of the big and small circumstances of our relationships.  We receive love by having hope that God will control things in a way that will be better than we can ask for or imagine.

ICHTHYSroe will pair you and your significant other up with a husband-wife team who learned firsthand the complexities of dating as Christians who had the best of intentions, preparing for marriage through reading the pre-requisite marriage literature and attending pre-marital sessions, and then actually still be forced to live through the unexpected sanctification process of a sinner marrying a sinner.

Your relationship advisory team has not only been certified by the Trauma Healing Institute to help heal your hearts so that they can be joined in emotionally healthy ways, but has been personally comforted by the God of all comfort to personally comfort, guide, and equip you in practical ways.  The most important thing is to walk alongside the two of you as the four of us walk with Jesus.

We will guide you through your specific relationship difficulties to not only sustain you two as a couple, but to help you thrive in your relationship—regardless of where you and your significant other are in your personal journeys.  (In fact, we specialize in counseling couples where only one of the two in the relationship is a Christian or only one of the two is willing to talk to a counselor, but there are many differences.)  We do this by never taking sides or having a subjective position that favors one or the other driven by our own personal opinions.  Like a good pastor, we see you as God’s ongoing creation into/as one entity.

In the course of our time together (slowly, over weeks, months, or even years) we will consider:

• What was your first impression of your significant other?  How has that impression changed over time?
• How would you describe the goals and challenges of being an individual man/woman for yourself?  Who are your models for this?
• How would you describe the goals and challenges of being an individual man/woman for your significant other?  How do you think they are doing thus far?  What do you think are some of the reasons for their current/projected states?
• What made you first consider the possibility that your significant other was the one you wanted to date or might marry?
• How would you describe the goals and challenges of being a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife for yourself?  Who are your models for this?
• How would you describe the goals and challenges of being a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife for your significant other?  How do you think they are doing thus far?  What do you think are some of the reasons for their current/projected states?
• How have you seen yourself grow towards your significant other through your relationship?
• How have you seen your significant other grow towards you through your relationship?
• How have you seen the two of you grow towards those you individually loved before your relationship through the course of your relationship?
• What would others say about your relationship?
• How has being from your respective cultures influenced personal development for the two of you as individuals? 
• How has being from different cultures affected your relationship? 
• What are some of the things that you feel are hard for your significant other and his/her family-of-origin to understand?
• How do your worldviews shape your vision and hope for the next generation?
• What styles of communication do you and your significant other lean towards, both individually and collectively?